


The Gang Goes to The Goat Bridge

by nazgularepeopletoo, No_Day_But_Today



Series: VFD Unsolved [2]
Category: A Series of Unfortunate Events (TV), A Series of Unfortunate Events - Lemony Snicket, Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Buzzfeed, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, FUCK YOU GOAT MAN, This is trash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-07
Updated: 2019-05-07
Packaged: 2020-02-28 04:40:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18749197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nazgularepeopletoo/pseuds/nazgularepeopletoo, https://archiveofourown.org/users/No_Day_But_Today/pseuds/No_Day_But_Today
Summary: Installment II of the VFD Unsolved Series------------------------------------------------------------------------------------“Welcome back to VFD Unsolved. As you all can see, we are, once again, not in our studio. This week we are covering the case of the demonic goat bridge.”“Wonderful…”“What’s wrong, Jacqueline? Don’t like being out in the woods at night?”“I’m fucking terrified of this place!”  Larry laughed.“Really?”“Listen, I will take mass murderers and arsonists all day long, but i do not mess with ghosts!”“You don’t mess with GOATS?!”





	The Gang Goes to The Goat Bridge

**Author's Note:**

> I straight up stole some of the history dialouge from the original video ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

“Welcome back to VFD Unsolved. As you all can see, we are, once again, not in our studio. This week we are covering the case of the demonic goat bridge.”

“Wonderful…”

“What’s wrong, Jacqueline? Don’t like being out in the woods at night?”

“I’m fucking terrified of this place!”  Larry laughed.

“Really?”

“Listen, I will take mass murderers and arsonists all day long, but i do not mess with ghosts!”

“You don’t mess with  _ GOATS?!” _

“GHOSTS you idiot! Ghosts!” By this point of time, both of them were laughing uproariously.

“On that note, in 1884, Old Alton Bridge was built in Denton, Texas to connect the town of Alton to Denton. Alton was a tiny town that originally consisted of one person when it was established in 1848.”

“Those were the days, when one person could land somewhere and say ‘this is a town now’!”

“He’s law and order, he’s the doctor -”

“Welcome to Larrysburg”

“ _ Larrysburg?!?!?” _

_ “ _ Population: Me.”

“Shut up, Larry! Anyway, it was chosen as the legal center of Denton County. After the county seat was moved to Denton, residents of Alton moved to different towns and Alton eventually disappeared. Today, the bridge is no longer available for vehicle traffic, but lucky for us, it is still open to pedestrian traffic.”

“Lucky for us?”

“I don’t know why I phrased it ‘lucky for us’ that… I think I was feeling brave when I wrote this. Well, obviously we didn’t travel all the way down to Texas to visit a simple old bridge. What brings us to the Old Alton Bridge is it’s nickname: The Goatman’s Bridge.”

The two of them stopped at the very base of the bridge. Neither of them wanted to be the first one on the bridge, apparently, until Larry just leaped up onto the bridge. Jacqueline gasped, scrambling up onto the bridge after him. 

“Larry! You can’t just  _ jump  _ on the bridge!”

“What’s gonna happen to me? Is he gonna throw me off the bridge?”

“Larry, Jesus Christ, just shut up.” Larry laughed, leaning against one of the railings.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’ll be more respectful of your terror.” Jacqueline rolled her eyes. 

“Shut UP. Let’s just get on with it. Okay. So, we don’t usually do demons per say, we usually just do hauntings. But enough of you wanted to see us visit the Goatman so-”

“I think you mean TAKE ON the Goatman, don’t you?” Jacqueline chose to ignore him, patting her hip to make sure the water gun full of holy water was still there instead. 

“You know, there are records of people coming out here doing, like, occult stuff.”

“Yeah, people like you!”

“What do you mean people like me? How am I a satanist?”

“Because you believe everything that they believe!”

“Yeah, but I respect it, I keep keep my distance.

“Eh it’s basically the same thing, two sides of the same coin, ya know?”

“Yeah, and you just gotta decide which side you’re on!”

“Well, guess which side we’re on tonight, Jacqueline!” Larry then dropped his backpack onto the bridge and knelt beside it. Opening it, he pulled out a Ouija board, five candles, and a rice crispy treat. 

“Larry… what’s the rice crispy for…?” 

“It’s. It’s bait.” 

“For… The Goatman?”

“YEAH for the Goatman!” He waited until she started to speak again before laughing, punching her shoulder playfully. “I’m  _ kidding _ . I have low blood sugar, Jacqueline.” 

“You’re an idiot, Larry.”

“And? What of it?” Reaching into the bag he also pulled out a few sticks of chalk. 

“Let’s just get this over with.” With that, Larry knelt down on the ground and began drawing a large circle on the ground.

“What the fuck are you doing?”

“Drawing a pentagram.”

“Drawing a what?!”

“A pentagram.”

“WHY?!?!?”

“To trap the demon when we summon it.”

“To trap the WHAT when we WHAT?!?!” Larry started laughing,

“I’m just kidding, again, Jacqueline, relax.”

“You’re so mean, you know that, right?” Larry opened the box and set out the Ouija board.The candles came next, one at each point of the star. After lighting them, he tossed the match over the edge of the bridge, watching it fall into the bubbling creek below. 

“AlRIGHT let’s get started.” Larry sat on one edge of the circle, gesturing for Jacqueline to sit on the other side. “You have to get in here too, we gotta do this together.” She hesitated, then stepped into the circle and sat. 

“You have to put your hands on the thingy.”

“The thingy?”

“Yeah the thingy!”

“You mean the planchette?”

“See! You do know Satanism!”

“Shut up! Let’s just get this over with.” They both placed their fingers on the planchette, preparing to contact the beyond.

“Is there anyone here with us tonight?” They waited in silence for a moment.

“Can you, can you move the thing?”

“The  _ planchette _ .”

“The planchette, whatever.” They waited again. 

“Come on, any horny boys out here tonight?”

“Horny boys???”

“He’s a goat he’s got horns!” Nothing happened. After another few minutes, Larry sighed, nearly pouting.

“I guess he’s not here. All of this for nothing? I was SO excited to meet an ACTUAL demon.” Jacqueline yanked her hands off the planchette, scooting out of the circle. 

“Yeah, I guess he’s not around! Let’s just pack it up and-”

“No! I’m not leaving that easy! Come on Goatman! Come and grab me! Throw me over the railing into the river!”

“Oh my god, stop -”

“FUCK YOU, GOATMAN! I dance on your bridge, Goatman! It’s my bridge now!”

“ _ Larry stop it what are you doing?? _ ”

“If you want me off this bridge, you’ll have to KILL me!”

“ _ LARRY _ .” She grabbed his arm and yanked at it, trying to get him off the bridge

“You’re gonna have to throw me off this bridge yourself!”

“He did throw someone off once!” She pulled harder, but he didn’t budge.

“Look at the way I dance on it, I disrespect your bridge, Goatman! You hear that, Goatman? Me and Jacqueline Scieszka own this bridge now! “

“Don’t loop me into this!! I’m not a part of this!!”

“Then tell him!”

“I’m not! I’m not part of his little game!”

“Now, look, you’re talking to a demon.”

“No! NO I see what you did stop that! This is entrapment!!” 

“It’s Goatman entrapment time!”

“I’m not with him!” She let go of his arm and started off the bridge by herself.

“They’re going to put my name in graffiti! Children will come here and tell spooky stories of ME!” He followed her, scooping up the supplies and shoving them into his backpack. “We’ll be back Goatman, after all this is OUR bridge!”

“Come on, let’s get the fuck out of here before you do something stupider.” While they were climbing into the car, Jacqueline turned her attention to the camera.

“Well, that’s all we got for us this week. Join us next week when we cover the unfortunate case of the Baudelaire children!”


End file.
